thoughts of a thinker

“Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).” –Rene Descartes

Archive for January, 2009

“if only you were…”

early in the morning, somebody was kissing my ass in the office. i didn’t know if he was drunk or he really meant it, but i thanked him for the compliment.

he said i was looking good…blooming…and if i wasn’t chubby, he was sure a lot of guys would be running after me.

whatever! (i rolled my eyes…)

i told him that they can’t run after me because for a fat girl, i run fast.

i forgot to tell him that if the guy can’t see past my love handles, well i really wouldn’t care at all.

if by some stroke of luck (and well, sheer determination), i manage to trim down this year, and people—those people who never even bothered to take a second look at me when i was still fat—begin to notice me and start making passes at me, well i’m sorry but i wouldn’t waste a single second on any of them. there’s more to me than my flabby arms and rotund face. if they weren’t able to see “my essence” beneath the full exterior, then they’re not worthy of my time or attention.

that remark was double-edged: it praised me (that i was still pretty despite being fat), but it insulted me at the same time (if only i were sexier…). and to think that person said i had a strong personality! well then, shouldn’t i be able to grab people’s attention because of my personality?

duh! somebody loves me already despite the love handles. i’m pretty sure of that. 🙂