thoughts of a thinker

“Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).” –Rene Descartes

on leaving

i’ve left my other job, the one i really loved. but this is not to say that i am not loving the job that i have now. i am enjoying every second of it, and i could even say that it is more challenging than the one i’ve left. but i would have stayed on with being a copyeditor, if only for the love of the task; however, i am not a slab of stone nor a marble statue that has no feelings and pride. i am no inanimate object, and i cannot will myself to become so detached and unfeeling of all the negativity that surrounds me in that former hell hole. i cannot turn a deaf ear or a blind eye and continue to live and breathe the same air with the very people whom I find despicable: the world has become to small for all of us, and just to have my own space, my freedom, and my happiness back, i am willing to leave and turn my back on a more lucrative job that has given me quite a comfortable life for the past 17 months.

some people do not understand. i know that most of them must think how foolish i have been to leave and leap into something that would only pay me half. but there’s more to my life than just 5 digits per month. i have my pride to keep and my principles to uphold. i do not want to be with people i no longer believe in; and just to keep the peace i have to get myself out of the warzone, lest i start to drop nuclear bombs that might kill even the “innocent civilians.”

though i was angry, i felt sad when i left. leaving the people, the genuine people, with whom i have spent more than a year with was hard. i have learned to love them and they have become a part of my life. leaving the job that i’ve always wanted, the job that i loved, the job i felt i was born to do was heartbreaking. now i’ll miss pressing Alt Q, running my macros, reading about things i never thought people paid attention to…the perks of the job itself are countless. and of course, this means that i would have to live with half of what i used to have. that perhaps is the toughest.

nevertheless, i am happy. i do not regret leaving. i am even happy that the sad and bitter things that happened late last year happened; at least i know now who i can trust. i found out who genuinely cares for me. though some doors slammed shut on my face, a lot of windows openned up for me and i was able to see beyond the cold confines of that stone castle.

i have a lot more sacrifices to make, a lot of adjustments to do, a lot more things to master.  but i  can wait  when all these efforts will finally pay off. i know that one day, they will.

leaving may be sad; but if you do not go, you’ll never know what lies ahead.


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