thoughts of a thinker

“Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).” –Rene Descartes

Dreams change

Five years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined myself to be a stay-at-home wife running a small cake business. No, that was totally out of my plan. Five years ago, I wanted to be a really big player in the corporate world. I envisioned myself to be one of those power dressing and fierce women walking in 3-inch stilettos into a boardroom filled with people who needed to listen to what I have to say. My spanking new car would be waiting for me in the parking lot and I’d be raking in big bucks every payday. Yes, that was how I wished myself to be five years ago.

But dreams change, either by your own wishes or because it has been brought about by certain circumstances in your life that you cannot change. You lie adrift in a sea of dreams, and you need to readjust your sails so that you can go and discover uncharted territories that you can conquer.

The decision to quit a job I enjoyed has been tough. A lot of factors were considered, a lot of sleepless nights spent, and all of my fingers have been crossed. New priorities were there for me to consider: marriage, starting a family, my health. A changing environment and culture in the workplace also prompted me to reassess my goals in life. At that time I thought “I love my job, but am I still enjoying it? Am I still productive? Can I contribute something better to the workplace?” I admit, my previous job was demanding, and it exhausted me. I wanted solutions to some pressing matters, but the fact that I was not heard and no one was interested in what I had to suggest wore me out. It frustrated me. I realized that I was no longer needed by the organization, and it was time to move on.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the Pro’s and Con’s of quitting. If I quit, I’d have more time to spend with my would-be husband, plus it would be healthier for me. It would be easier for me to concentrate on taking care of my family instead of thinking about other people’s problems. It would be easier for me to conceive (or so I thought). On the other hand, I would be letting go of a sure source of income. I would be isolated from the world. I would spend my days alone in front of a computer. That was one of the hardest considerations since I am an extrovert.

In the end, I made the decision to quit. I thought it would be my chance to do something new. I wanted to start a business, no matter how small. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity. Plus quality time with my busy husband-to-be was a priority.

Do I regret anything? No. I am glad I made the jump. It was hard to organize my finances the first few months, but honestly I am doing better now than I ever did when I still had a job. If I stayed on, I would be tied to just one source of income, which I realize is not a good thing considering how hard times are right now. Besides, I am enjoying what I currently do. I am building on the beginning of what could be a successful business five to ten years from now. I still haven’t conceived a child, but I am able to pay full attention to my husband. I maybe alone in the house, but there’s always the Internet to keep me connected with my friends. I am happy.

Dreams change. I used to dream of being at the very top of the corporate ladder. Now I dream of being my own boss and running my own business. I dream of being able to make amazing cakes that blow people’s minds. I dream of having my creations featured in a magazine of a talk show. I dream of joining Ultimate Cake Off. I dream that my crafting blog would have a lot of followers.

Dreams change. One day, you just reach a point in your life where you realize that the dreams you have are not the right ones for you. So you have to let them go, and you have to build a new dream. And the journey to that new dream is exciting and challenging but very fulfilling for you.

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welcome back to WordPress!

I am welcoming back myself to WordPress tonight.

I have completely forgotten about this blog and my other WordPress blog and all my other blogs in the blogosphere. I’ve been too busy with my life. I finally got over the sorry things that I experienced in my first job that got me writing these two blogs in the first place. Over the years, I immersed myself in my new job, which I have grown to love so much.

It seems that I am a natural with people, and I have been very successful in building my team and in mentoring and coaching my agents. I have made friends with my agents and with my coworkers, and my job was my passion and my pride. However, everything will go bad at some point. So from a wonderful account that each of us took pride in, we began sliding down fast, and before we knew it, we were all in the pits.

Anyhow, to make the long story short, I feel like I am in a toxic relationship with my job. I love it so much because I felt loved and needed and I was good at it, but it’s no longer doing me any good. I am not growing. So I have decided to leave.

My decision to leave was somehow rash, and totally contrary to my past self who established this blog a few years back. I still think, but I no longer over think. Over the years, I have learned to make hard and fast decisions and to live with the consequences right after.

Anyway, what prompted me to reopen my WordPress blog was the new job that’s awaiting me. So I write again.

this is becoming a hate blog

i don’t want this to become a hate blog. i just noticed that my last two posts that were published a month apart where emitting a lot of negativity.

i wanna spread the love. Love. Peace. Unity.

Let’s concentrate on the picture in my header. That’s a peaceful picture. I took that about three years ago at the boulevard at the boulevard. That’s actually a fisherman. I like how the picture came out. My camera wasn’t that hi-tech, but I feel that the picture leaps from the page. Doesn’t it?

Ah peace…spread the peace…

i hate her to bits

is it possible to “hate someone to bits”?

i don’t really know, but this hyperbolic statement just seems so right when i talk about one particular bitch. her royal bitchiness…i’ll never forget you until my dying day.

i’m being mean and evil again. i know i say the meanest things, but well, words cannot describe how much i loathe that idiot of a primadonna.

bitch! bitch! bitch! grrrrr…

however, when i think hard about it, i think that whatever she did brought me good. she’s like judas escariot. somehow, what she (and her conniving cohorts) did was what you could call “necessary evil”…her blunder brought me my salvation. but still, she’s still a modern-day Judas E.

burn in hell.

crossing the line and stepping on toes

some people just don’t know where to stop. they just don’t know where to draw the line. i think that knowing where your boundaries are just takes some common sense and basic good manners. if you don’t know when and if you’ve already crossed the line, it’s either you’re dumb or you have no idea at all about basic courtesy or both. and i have no sympathy for you.

sorry. if you are not sensitive to the feelings of people around you, then i think you deserve the same.

i’m pretty brutal. i know.

revisiting my 2009 wishlist

2009 is already halfway through. tomorrow’s going to be the first day of the seventh month, so it’s the perfect time for me to check how much of my 2009 wishlist i have already fulfilled.

1) Buy a Laptop – done; using it now

2) Buy camera phone/digital camera – done; using it now

3) Earn in oDesk (wahahah) – done; it’s not much, but at least i got two jobs done

4) Start my mini-business – done; however, my accessories business is on and off depending on my creative mood

5) Go to Bohol, Corregidor,  Somilon, Boracay, and Siquijor (whichever comes first) for a super vacation! – STILL NEED TO WORK ON THIS

6) Go to Disneyland HK or Japan or Singapore (hmmm…) – STILL NEED TO WORK ON THIS

7) Get promoted (hahaha!) – this isn’t a possibility at this time

8) LOSE WEIGHT (10 punds off would make me happy) – managed to start muay thai and started losing some pounds, BUT our lessons had to stop due to a change in venue, but hopefully we’ll be resuming soon

9) Have a happy and healthy life for myself and my loved ones and everyone else – happy yes, healthy emotionally, physically i’d like to say yes

10) That there be peace on earth – and i’ll start with myself…i’ll spread the love in my own little way – spreading the love all right, except to some despicable characters (pretty brutal, eh?)

That’s about 3 1/2 things I still need to work on. Not bad!

“if only you were…”

early in the morning, somebody was kissing my ass in the office. i didn’t know if he was drunk or he really meant it, but i thanked him for the compliment.

he said i was looking good…blooming…and if i wasn’t chubby, he was sure a lot of guys would be running after me.

whatever! (i rolled my eyes…)

i told him that they can’t run after me because for a fat girl, i run fast.

i forgot to tell him that if the guy can’t see past my love handles, well i really wouldn’t care at all.

if by some stroke of luck (and well, sheer determination), i manage to trim down this year, and people—those people who never even bothered to take a second look at me when i was still fat—begin to notice me and start making passes at me, well i’m sorry but i wouldn’t waste a single second on any of them. there’s more to me than my flabby arms and rotund face. if they weren’t able to see “my essence” beneath the full exterior, then they’re not worthy of my time or attention.

that remark was double-edged: it praised me (that i was still pretty despite being fat), but it insulted me at the same time (if only i were sexier…). and to think that person said i had a strong personality! well then, shouldn’t i be able to grab people’s attention because of my personality?

duh! somebody loves me already despite the love handles. i’m pretty sure of that. 🙂